Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving: A Butchered Feast of Disappointment!
There are movies I like to take my time and revel in, scene by scene, admiring every detail. Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving is not that film. This is one of those rare, if first, occasions where the trailer was not only better than the film but literally better than the entire movie that was released, in that not one scene from the Grindhouse (2007) trailer was actually in the final movie in as graphic detail. I guess the fall of Harvey Weinstein really defanged ol’ Eli and this film is a clear neutered version of the promise of that epic 2007 Thanksgiving trailer we all loved here at Severed Cinema!
In fact, Thanksgiving is a betrayal of the very foundation of the movie to not go full gore, to hold back on what we know you wanted to make, whether ruined by committee or not has tarnished his horror legacy and his own full potential to make literally such dry turkey, I cannot even give it one star. It’s blood pudding for this anemic, muddled horror that fails to frighten or turn into decent comedy. It is flattened and all the air is let out of it.
There is some mall madness on Black Friday… why not just call it Black Friday and make that movie, why make it Thanksgiving too? It’s like making a horror film on Boxing Day when you’re making a Christmas horror film. My understanding is that Black Friday’s are AFTER thanksgiving so confusing addition.
I didn’t hate comedian Tim Dillon’s cameo as a department store security guy before the angry shoppers riot and kill each other for a new toaster, but you didn’t even give him a single memorable zinger? Wasted cameo.
Then it’s straight on to Eli’s favorite trope, unlikeable rehash of American college kids on spring break, which he apparently has a real vendetta against to keep killing them repeatedly, pathologically, in movie after movie. All ripping off earlier, better slashers, and mainly ripping off Scream (which itself was a rip-off, of Wes Craven from himself, or, fine, a distilling if you want to be generous).
I didn’t like anyone and waited for the Pilgrim to make turkey sandwiches out of all of them.
Suddenly, here comes “McDreamy” (all the female viewers know who I mean by this), but for many male readers (without girlfriends or wives or sisters or mothers) we meet Patrick Dempsey who underplays intentionally a chief of police. Patrick himself had minor roles in Scream, Outbreak, The Stuff, and yes, the Grey’s Anatomy TV series if I must). All of which are better times (yes, even Grey’s Anatomy dear extreme horror lovers!) I don’t mind ruining this movie for you, as it already ruined itself by not going hardcore as it should have! He’s the killer. Boo-hoo. Sue me. But note, I’ll counter-sue for my time back in having watched this uncreative, meandering plot, that tries to tell too many boring college drama stories without sex appeal, without humor, without intelligence, and without purpose. And I would also counter-sue in this non-existent fictional court of good manners, for false advertising, as Eli allowed the Grindhouse trailer to stand as though this movie would be anything like it! I’m sure Eli might argue it’s akin to the old posters selling the movies ala Roger Corman films. The only difference is Eli HAS the budget to go whole hog and go extreme! What a cowardly film Thanksgiving is with no balls at all! I hated this movie in every respect! Mainly for the disrespect it showed the fans of the original trailer.
Soon all the survivors are around the Thanksgiving Day table with a human turkey, bow-legged woman, cooked to a brown perfection, but it is sexless, artless, lifeless. A parody of… itself! But it is a bad clone. A very, very bad clone. No teeth, no edge, no glee, just a T-U-R-K-E-Y.
Fuck this movie! Watch Green Inferno or Knock Knock instead if you want a more biting Eli Roth film. This movie is the definition of ‘too little, too late.’ Fuck this turkey! Thanksgiving is a betrayal to all real horror fans.
Uppers of Thanksgiving
No thanks to give. None. Choke on a raw, bloody bone.
Downers of Thanksgiving
It’s entire existence. Fuck you!
Don’t waste your time on this one. Skip it. It’s not even so bad, it’s good. It’s DULL. Like a blade that can’t cut the mustard even. It’s so bad, I am not even reviewing it scene by scene. That’s how much I don’t like this film.
No leftovers. Get fucked!
AKA: Bloody Thanksgiving, Viernes negro, Thanksgiving – Es ist angerichtet, Feriado Sangrento, Action de grâce,感恩节, Crni petak, Tänupüha, Thanksgiving : La Semaine de l’horreur, Thanksgiving – Es ist angerichtet, 血腥假期, Hullaadás, Khag Ha’Hoda’ya, Thanksgiving: La morte ti ringrazierà, サンクスギビング, Noc Dziękczynienia, Feriado Sangrento, День благодарения, Црни петак, Deň vďakyvzdania, Črni petek, Black Friday, Thanksgiving – Es ist angerichtet, 恐怖感恩劫, Kara Cuma, День подяки, Lễ Tạ Ơn Kinh Hoàng
Directed by: Eli Roth
Written by: Eli Roth, Jeff Rendell
Produced by: Eli Roth, Roger Birnbaum, Jeff Rendell
Cinematography by: Milan Chadima
Editing by: Michel Aller, Michele Conroy
Music by: Brandon Roberts
Special Effects by: Morot FX
Cast: Patrick Dempsey, Ty Olsson, Gina Gershon, Lynne Griffin, Karen Cliché, Nell Verlaque
Year: 2023
Country: USA
Language: English
Colour: Colour
Runtime: 1h 46min
Studio: TriStar Pictures, Spyglass Media Group, Ethereal Visage Productions, Cream Productions, Dragonfly Entertainment, Electromagnetic Productions, TSG Entertainment
Distributor: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment