Creepy’s Clingfilmed Capsules: Mini Reviews Part 2
Scouring YouTube and the internet in general I come across a lot of random and head-turning little cretins that are crying out to be mentioned or reviewed in case the right people have missed them over the years. However, many are just tiny clips or longer ones that just doesn’t have enough in them to broaden and stretch into a full review or article. Back in September 2020 I presented the first collective of Creepy’s Clingfilmed Capsules: Mini Reviews Part 1 (see reviews here).
So, roll up ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the second in what is a very irregular series I’m going to do where I throw a few of these oddities together and show everyone the wild wild world of Jay Creepy’s finds
THEATRE BOX PRESENTS: DEATH ANGEL
First on the agenda is something which mortified a generation of kids back in 1981. I, like many according to the YouTube comments, spent decades remembering this short film made for children, and over time memories distorted the actual reality. For myself, I always believed actor Roy Kinnear had the support role in Death Angel. It turned out to be Bill Maynard instead, but the biggest change had to be the revealed face at the end which basically traumatized all young viewers…
I was seven-years-old, only a fledgling watching old Universal and Hammer horrors on late night TV. I had yet to be absorbed into the world of video nasties and stuff which was about a year away for me when my parents rented a Betamax video recorder. Sapphire & Steel, plus parts of Doctor Who scared the shit out of me back then. So I had no chance with this bloody thing!!
Death Angel follows three typical late ‘70s early ‘80s kids who sneak into a building late at night because down below there is a wrestling show going down – you can hear the cheering and shouts. After watching a match through a little hidey hole, they move to another air vent and see a lone masked figure sat deep breathing. “That must be Death Angel.” says Bud to Fergus and Toy. The promoter, Benny comes into the room all flustered about Death Angel’s match being last upon his insistence. He has had to move things around. He isn’t happy. “In this country,” Benny says to the accented wrestler, “the main event comes on straight after the interval!”
“The angel of death always comes at the end.” rumbles the chilling words. It transpires that no one knows who he is. It is his first time in the country. He heads out for his match, and it turns out the three teens are there to rob the place. Fergus, however, nursing a sprained ankle sticks around to see if Death Angel takes his hood off, with fatal results…
I recall Death Angel’s face as being a blobby wax misshapen horror, with no eyes and a huge rounded chin. He would stare right at a window where we see one of the kids fall to his death. It was totally different in the programme but devastating to anyone under the age of ten. Death Angel was repeated later under the more known Dramarama series. Back then there were loads of quality made-for-kids short story anthology series ready to fascinate or scare.
Written by Yorkshire UK legend Brian (Alien 3, Kes, American Werewolf in London) Glover and starring Malcolm Storrey as the deformed wrestler, Death Angel. Malcolm was a predominant TV actor through his long career but appeared in The Last of the Mohicans and Darkest Hour. Death Angel is noticeable for also having a very young Ray (Scum, Beowulf, The Sweeney) Winstone in the cast (a quick story about Ray: Years ago, I used to work as a carpet manager in a department store called House of Fraser, and one day I received a phone call. A young lad who worked in another store was ringing us all to scream in excitement how Ray Winstone had been with him all morning ordering carpets for his home. Ray spent a lot, trust me). However, star performance goes to UK TV and movie legend, Bill Maynard. He is perfect in the role of the ill-fated Benny.
Theatre Box ran for six episodes, mainly historic and comedy so this was a major shocker. Dramarama as I said picked it up for a quick repeat, then it faded into obscurities and little remembered nightmares.
NEW YORK ILLUSTRATED: SATURDAY NIGHT AT FORT APACHE
Back in 1973 (around the time the BBC were filming the comedy gold Hell’s Angels we chuckled over back in Creepy’s Clingfilmed Capsules: Mini Reviews Part 1), a precinct in NYC was being filmed for WNBC. It has been nick named “Fort Apache” by officers and those close alike.
“The 41st is one of the most violent precincts in the city,” explains narrator, Norman Rose. This isn’t Hill Street Blues. It is a kind of finger to the face for some who romanticise 1970’s New York in a way. “Last year, more than eleven thousand serious crimes were reported here…” The first thing we see is a young guy suffering from a stab wound in his shoulder.
“Three types of people use the streets after dark – policemen, criminals, and potential victims.” says Norman as we watch a line of men being frisked against a wall. We meet some anti-crime officers who dress to blend into the neighbourhoods, a bit like Serpico. Sgt. Bill Taylor talks about what it’s like out there, how many of them have been injured, and one lapse can result in violence. If making an arrest, local citizens will turn on the officers in defence of their neighbour until it’s explained what has happened so the police cannot spend too long making an arrest.
It’s the era of moustaches and leather jackets on both sides of the fence. We are taken through the night as more criminals and victims pass the doors. We see weapons such as guns and blades, plus some beautiful shots of the late-night streets along with the ladies and gents who appear after dark. It was one of many tough neighbourhoods and to survive you had to be on your guard, in a gang, or just a nasty motherfucker. We then switch to a local A+E to see some of the casualties and the staff who treat them.
It’s dramatic but captivating, offering a window to the early ‘70s. The officers who are interviewed all look tired of their work, and the people arrested are a mixture of calmness and conflict. Nothing much has changed really.
THE JUNIOR CHRISTIAN SCIENCE BIBLE LESSON
David Liebe Hart is hardworking but responsible for the creepiest and shit-your-pants squirting puppets ever created. His series, The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson ran for many many years, so I salute him for that. Some episodes are spread out on YouTube but about half a year ago I downloaded nearly an hour-and-a-half of a compilation someone had put up. I cannot find that now but as I said there are episodes around and about. In fact, to seek and collect them all would be nearly impossible for there were hundreds of 20-minute episodes made.
David is a singer by the way. He sings about religion, aliens, trains, and females. He’s been involved in Adult Swim and has been accused of making jokes against those who are mentally challenged, oh plus he’s in contact with extra-terrestrial beings. Indeed. The programme was like something a cult would make for the children of the extended family to stare agog at daily. In fact, some of the monotone deliveries the puppets speak in could be deemed as controlling and hypnotic.
What makes The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson far more awkward and disturbing are the puppets voices generally don’t match up with their flapping wooden mouths. It isn’t even comical; you feel your skin crawl. Whole sentences either in speech or song (there’s a lot of hymns) are spent emitting from the closed jawline. What the fuck is going on???!!! Our main puppet character, Albert, looks like Black Devil Doll after taking loads of LSD. Albert preaches, speaks of the scriptures, and he sings. In fact, a Martian appears and sings in the same voice whilst Albert appears to be dead.
“I hope you enjoyed the Christian church, and you stay away from drugs and sex…” he says at one point. Good lad, you tell those pre-schoolers who are considering such things.
Chip the Black Boy seems to be some kind of ghetto urchin type who chats about racism, hatred, smoking, and drinking, then spoils it all by singing in that strange way they all do hardly using their mouths. Then we have Teddy Eddy which in fact is a panda who stares with lust at Chip, obviously thinking about grooming him with porridge. Teddy has an irritating squeaking voice until he starts singing deeply like the rest. Even the human guests appear to have had their brains lobotomised that when the puppets are interacting, they are numb to it all.
Credit where it is due. This oddity ran throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s, and along with his ventures afterwards, David is worth $19 million as of now. Whilst Death Angel horrified a generation of British school kids, the lengthy therapy needed from damage caused by this endless series is something beyond comprehension.
In part 3 it’ll be a return to NYC circa the 1970s for Doin’ Time in Time’s Square, made by Wild Style and The Deadly Art of Survival director, Charlie Ahearn, plus some graphic work health and safety videos.
MOVIE INFO:
Theatre Box Presents: Death Angel
Directed by: Peter Smith
Written by: Brian Glover
Starring: Bill Maynard, Malcolm Storrey, Ray Winstone, Claudia Curran, Christian Childs, Gary Beadle.
Year: 1981
Runtime: 26 mins
New York Illustrated: Saturday Night at Fort Apache
A.k.a.: Toughest Police Station in NY: Fort Apache Bronx
Written by: Bill Turque
Produced by: Bill Turque, Joseph Michaels for WNBC
Starring: Norman Rose (narrator), Sgt Bill Taylor, DI Matthew Neary, James Finn, Tony Imbimbo.
Year: 1973
Runtime: 22 mins
The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson
Written and Performed by: David Liebe Hart
Starring: David Liebe Hart, Albert Hermann, Alan Spear, Teddy Eddy, Chip the Black Boy, and more
Years: ’80s and ’90s
Runtime: 1hr 22 mins