Death Nurse 1 & 2 Reviews on DVD from Slasher Video!
The original era of SOV quickies reigned around the 1980s and produced such known titles as Killing Spree and The Dead Next Door. Of course, for every known one, there are ones which everyone has tried to forget, such as Things and the Death Nurse duo. I personally feel the latter twins are unfairly lambasted by so many reviewers because they give you what is promised on the box — gore, blood, gore and… gore. That’s it, they are alcohol flicks or video tapes picked up by horror teens, sat with their mates having a laugh. This modern era has a huge flood of SOV digital flicks and it’s hard as hell to enjoy most of them, truth be known. They are rushed, shabby and without any heart. Nick Millard’s Death Nurse films are shabby and rushed, however they are so damn funny!! Plus the added joy of mammoth sized actress, Priscilla Alden, who glares, grins, stares, laughs and stabs her way through both slashers.
The films (which are taken off an old worn VHS tape – cool!!!) follow brother & sister, Gordon and Edith Mortley, both of whom practice (or mal-practice) as Doctor and Nurse in Shady Palms Clinic. Financially they rely on payments from the social services as patients in need of rest are sent over. However as we see in the first few minutes, things aren’t quite as they seem. As Nurse Edith mops her brother’s forehead with a truly small tissue, he is operating on a patient. “He’s gone, Nurse.” he sighs, the patients torso is a mass of knives and blood, “It was a difficult operation!”
We cut to a prolonged laborious scene as Gordon digs a grave, then readies himself a bowl of ice cream. As time padding in a sixty minute film, it’s worth a bitter smirk (wait until I go through part II and its flashback padding!!!!!). Soon afterwards, a severely coughing, John Davis (played in gusto by the director himself) is brought over by Faith, the old aggressive social services officer. It transpires that a glare from Nurse Edith can halt a tuberculosis cough in mid violent stream. Funny. “He might not last the week.” says Gordon later on. “He might not last the day!” chuckles Edith. She heads into John’s room and uses her bedside manner to smother him with his pillow as a low key piano plays. She chuckles and leers like a female Tod Slaughter and I marvelled how a micro budget movie can actually show the long agonising process of suffocation. Nearly two minutes of grunting and thrashing, it’s gruelling and quite chilling. Unfortunately, the continuity of John’s eyes are truly chaotic. His corpse can look all different ways in all different shots.
Thus, Doctor Mortley digs another grave. Meanwhile, Edith is furious that her brother’s favourite patient is Louise. She is a Gary Glitter lookalike and a recovering alcoholic. She does special favors for him, and steals Edith’s sherry.
Edith plans to receive John’s care payments for another three months, and then suggest they advised him to go and live in Arizona. That simple, huh? Then Faith rings, and it turns out another patient is coming the next day, plus Faith wants to see John. This causes the siblings some concern. In a sequence possibly inspired by either Weekend at Bernie’s (hang on, did Death Nurse influence Weekend at Bernie’s???), or an episode of Fawlty Towers (The Kipper and the Corpse) they have to pretend John is still alive. Prior to this, it’s very comical to see Gordon hosing down John’s cadaver.
In a wild bit of scripting, Gordon decides to replace the new patient’s heart with that of a dogs. When the heart drops on the floor, their cat runs off with it. They chase the cat around the table as the patient dies. Edith goes off to feed ‘fresh meat’ to the mass of rats in the basement which seem to be stock footage… This is fucking insane!!!!
Amidst the random killings of patients and anyone who threatens their cosy existence, Edith has a series of dreams which reveal some of her disturbing past. These dreams are only clips of her previous movies, Criminally Insane, tagged onto the running time. There is a lot of bright red gore though.
Their greatest challenge arrives as Faith checks herself in as a patient. Edith keeps her sense of humour though, feeding Faith a meal consisting of dead rats. It isn’t long before faith discovers John’s room is empty. “Nurse Mortley! Something ain’t right!” That’s it, enough is enough, Edith decides to clean house!!
So onto Death Nurse II. Bigger budget? Better acting? Hell no, it’s crap and it loves it! Simply three seconds in and a cop is stabbed at the front door. The cop was related to a patient. Then we have a runtime filling cup of tea. Speaking of filler, we endure the same nightmares from part one, which are the same clips from other films. Corpses are fed to rats. “The patients eat the rats, the rats eat the patients.” Edith waxes lyrical as Gordon complains about bones filling the basement.
Oooh, Gary Glitter lookalike is back (who is actually played by the director’s wife. Most of the cast are identical in both flicks and are friends, etcetera of the director). She’s a different character, a psychotic hobo called Brownie pushing her shopping cart. This is a stressful and over-long padded scene! Brownie ends up in the clinic courtesy of social services. John Sawyer, the officer, says that Brownie has “behaviour problems.”
“Had a little too much to drink, you dirty old bitch?” snarls Edith. Brownie ends up chasing Edith with a knife. She calms her down with a sherry and a blade. Afterwards Edith bills the county for extra danger money. Yet Brownie isn’t dead and wants revenge. It’s a bloodbath! Adding to their dilemma, Faith’s twin sister arrives looking about.
Death Nurse II is sheer tedium compared to part 1. Even its attempts at humour fall flat! (“I need a doctor!” cries Gordon. “You are a doctor.” hisses Edith. “I’m a vet, Edith.” he laments. “Hmm, same thing.” she tuts) I think the repeated scenes and too many characters really spoil it this time round.
As far as both films go, the body count is high. We are entertained by stabbings, hackings, chokings, but then we are padded out by stares, eating, walking up and down, digging… GOD!!! In all honesty, for a micro money set of flicks, the effects are adequate so props go to Gigo, who supplied all.
The extras are okay on both DVDs from Slasher Video, even though one or two don’t make any sense. On Death Nurse II, for instance, there’s a short film called Brownie Goes Shopping, then a couple of seconds outtake from that dross little thing. (There is a cool Vestron t-shirt on display though!)
Nick Millard chats away and says he had a lot of fun, plus he doesn’t like Hollywood films. The tribute to Priscilla is okay, as is the funny Shady Palms waiting room segment. Now onto the extra which just irritates me. Some absolute arrogant prick called Paul Zamarelli courtesy of VHScollector.com reviews the first film whilst proudly showing off his tape collection. I assume it’s been put on because not many people have done a live motion review, but this lad does nothing but slag Death Nurse off. Okay, to each their own opinion, however why do it in such a “look at me trying to be awesome” attitude, whilst complaining about the padding (he ‘pads’ out his review reading the box in a monotone voice), then slates it basically because it is low budget! Paul, if you ever read this, you-are-a-twat! I have watched horrors since the age of seven, I am now in my early forties, I would never slag off a film for the reasons you do! It is rare I slate a movie because I enjoy even the smallest things, such as the heart behind the projects. I think of Don Dohler, Jörg Buttgereit, J.R. Bookwalter, and so many others who had fun whilst working on a micro budget flick. Sure, Death Nurse is no Nekromantik, but that isn’t my point. I guess Paul didn’t like Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste when he first viewed it???!! I swear this year I’m launching my Creepy Cadavers YouTube channel!
I recommend Death Nurse I and II because they are a giggle in the right (and wrong) places if you don’t expect a slasher epic, of course.
Directed by: Nick Millard
Written by: Nick Millard
Produced by: Frances Millard, Irmgard Millard
Cinematography by: Karil Ostman
Editing by: John Lincoln
Music by: Ronald Gertz
Special Effects by: Gigo
Cast: Priscilla Alden, Albert Eskinazi, Nick Millard, Royal Farros, Irmgard Millard, Fred Sarra
Year: 1987/1988
Country: USA/ Canada
Colour: Colour
Language: English
Runtime: 1h, 1h
Distributor: Slasher Video
DVD SPECS:
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1 Full Frame
Region: NTSC R1
Audio: Dolby Digital Mono
SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL:
Death Nurse:
– Audio Commentary with Nick and Irmi Millard
– Remembering Priscilla Featurette
– Shady palms Waiting Room
– Q & A Session
– Photos
– Trailers
– Original VHS Intro
– Review by Paul Zamerelli
Death Nurse II:
– Audio Commentary with Nick & Irmi Millard, Jesus Terran
– Nick & Irmi on Death Nurse II
– Brownie Goes Shopping – short film
– Out-takes
– Photo Gallery
– Trailers
