B-Movie Delight or Disaster? The Outlandish Sci-Fi Horror of 'Creepozoids'!

Creepozoids DVD cover artwork from 88 Films

In our endless search through the murky dark wet alleys of underground cult films, we have finally found a crowning glory of absolute genius trash, Creepozoids.

There are a few kinds of trash categories, but I’ll mention two sorts here. First there’s the unwanted unwatchable shit that genuinely offends your eyes and ears such as Calling Nurse Meow (see review of Calling Nurse Meow here)and Thanksgiving (see review of Thanksgiving here) — so far the only duo of flicks ever to score a grand almighty 0 on Severed Cinema. Now that is an achievement because we all watch so much junk and review the choice cuts. Most of the time we all give one, two, or three Severed thumbs to even the cheapest nastiest stupid things because they’re usually entertaining and there’s a labour of love obviously shining in the film somewhere.

The second sort of trash cinema is like Zombie Lake (see review of Zombie Lake here) basically for the reasons I just said. Personally, I’ve been glued to Shitsville flicks since the ‘80s. I’d take a low-grade bomb rather than a major studio multi million dollar glory hole any day.

This brings us to Creepozoids (which was remade as Hybrid by Fred Olen Ray). Hmmm… I watched it many years ago. I think I blocked a lot of it from my memory because as My partner in Gore, Willow, and I settled down to watch, I really hyped it as a great sci-fi horror flick with Linnea Quigley, from what I could remember. Hmm, yeah, okay…

There is an 88 Films DVD, and the cover artwork is smoking hot like the old UK VHS rental case. See, that’s the eternal trap of classic rentals, looks awesome if you stare at the box, but once that machine is showing you the delights within, you kick yourself but think, “Fuck it! This is fun!” 88 Films around the same time popped out the first film I ever watched at the cinemas, The Day Time Ended (see Exploring ‘The Day Time Ended’: A Bizarre Blend of Time Travel, Aliens, and B-Movie Charm here).

Creepozoids (made by Empire Pictures) has the look of Rats Nights of Terror and Galaxy of Terror (see ‘Galaxy of Terror’ Review: Roger Corman’s Sci-Fi Horror Mashup – Nostalgic B-Movie Thrills and Gruesome Alien Encounters here) going for a gloomy Alien and post apocalypse vibe, which it is set up for the latter as the world has fallen, of course, based in 1998… Haha.

Six years ago, a nuclear war ravaged the globe. We open to a rag tag group of soldiers on the run for desertion. Trying to escape the oncoming storm of acid rain, they break into a huge compound where it appears some sort of experiments occurred — as revealed post credits when a scientist lady is destroyed by what is (we guessed) a creation of some sorts.

The gang explore, finding remnants of something rather chilling that they’ve missed recently — big holes that have been gnawed by some creature and a decomposed head that, bizarrely enough, nobody mentions again for ages. Not even when they all talk about how they can safely hide in the bunker as it’s got an abundance of supplies. Linnea Quigley’s character, Blanca, finds a working shower which is obviously a plot excuse for her to strip off (a trademark of hers at the time — ironically in Creepozoids she’s sharing screen time with a porno actress). After dinner, Butch and Blanca get naked, Jake and Kate do other things, but Jesse (he’s clearly more intelligent and suspicious of the place because he wears glasses) sits at a computer seeking answers to the mystery only he is interested in.

Later that night, Jesse is reading the last diary entries of some long-gone member of the bunker team when he hears noises in the air vent. Grabbing a torch, he crawls inside for a gander. What he finds is traditional ‘80s gloopy shit on the floor and a huge man in a rubber-suited monster. When his comrades find him, he’s dazed but alive. Thus, they all sit down for a meal inspired by the infamous scene in Alien.

It turns out after a bit of investigating with Jesse’s blood, he was practically superhuman. His body could generate all the substances needed for survival. Eating meant an overload. So, keep that in mind if you watch this or already have done and how none of that seems to apply to something that happens later in the film. Phew, this plot has more holes than a chain-link fence.

“I don’t think it wants to kill us!” I love lines like that. You just know how wrong that is. It’s like the bumbling buffoons in Burial Ground when one of them said, “Maybe they want something inside the house,” then proceeded to let a mob of zombies inside.

Now it’s a game of survival against a big monster — an overgrown toy rat — and towards the end a mutant baby borrowed from the home of Larry Cohen. Creepozoids has the longest filmed man vs doll battle ever. Top marks to the actor for throwing himself around whilst carrying a chunk of plastic, but that epic war makes the movie outstay its welcome. It drags even at the running time of one hour and six minutes.

The effects are chucked at the walls to see what sticks. The monster has transparent plastic teeth, the rat is pathetic, the baby is ok, and the gore ranges from embarrassing trickles of shit to the cover of a Death Metal album style.

Linnea Quigley cannot hold a gun realistically at all, but holy heck she can damn well fight. Her combat sequences are the best of all. All in all, Creepozoids is a golden treasure without an original bone in its torso nor a good actor in sight. But what do you really want? Stiff upper lip high quality material? Or do you want a good laugh?

Director David DeCoteau has directed over one hundred and eighty movies (honestly, scroll down his IMDb page, you won’t believe some of the madness he’s unleashed) and he’s still on the go now. One thing he is strong for is the use of locations. The corridors and rooms are eerie and claustrophobic throughout — being that the whole film was shot in a warehouse for around $150k. He and everybody else do their best with what’s on the table. It all looks like it amused the cast and crew.

Guy Moon has done a great job with the musical score, and the effects team (as I stated above) have given us an array of tacky inventions. Combined, members of that little gang of gore geeks have had a hand in such delights as From Beyond, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Hellboy II, Hocus Pocus 2, Scanners, and so on. You’re in good hands here.

Directed by: David DeCoteau
Written by: David DeCoteau
Produced by: Charles Band, David DeCoteau
Edited by: Mirriam L Preissel
Music by: Guy Moon
Special Effects by: Bruce Barlow, Peter Carsillo, Thomas Floutz
Cast: Linnea Quigley, Richard L Hawkins, Ashlyn Gere, Michael Aranda, Ken Abraham, Joi Wilson
Year: 1987
Country: USA
Language: English
Colour: Colour
Runtime: 1h 6min

Studio: Titan Productions, Beyond Infinity, Empire Pictures, Urban Classics
Distributor: Empire Pictures, Full Moon Entertainment, 88 Films