Carne Review from Terrorvision Productions!
One of the things I repeat and probably bore folks to death along the way is the term “old school.” I describe the old school ways when reviewing some films that capture the era of booze and bodily fluid-soaked cinemas. I state it in fact in metal album reviews which I write for another website. The term is kind of honed to impale the style I remember as a kid, with flicks I grew up watching double billed horrors on TV, plus many Betamax (then VHS) rental gorefests that were prowling the shelves before the great Video Nasty purge in the early ‘80s, UK (early ‘90s I finally could see horrors in the cinema… damn I missed the best).
Another old school style which I personally think isn’t perfected enough these days without becoming a sarcastic wink at the camera, must be the ‘80s SOV trash. Those hideously low-grade badly acted quickly produced gems that suffered from bad sound and worse FX. The thing is, like the Grindhouse craze that emerged in recent times, some few and far between do attempt this, but produce a wobbly homage that has nothing of the authentic feel, made by people who have cheating memories that chuck everything in and it blossoms into a thing of too polished values or way too knowing itself comedy. Long story short, don’t bother. The era is long gone. It’s more fun treasure hunting for the real things than sitting through so many diabolical clones.
However, Carne is something different for the most part. Now I don’t know if the ‘80s SOV trash was an inspiration because press quotes state they are aiming at the ‘70s Giallo style, but somehow it has all fallen into place this time round. Fabrizio Spurio has created a quirky random film that made me smile.
Straight into the action we find a semi-nude young man bound and gagged sat on a chair. His eyes catch the camera lens more than once which made my blood boil in my veins – the fourth wall break, just fucking edit the shit properly for fuck’s sake!!!! This nettled me more than the legit on purpose crimes as seen in 2001 Maniacs, Goodfellas, etcetera. As hate fuelled as I was at that moment, I continued. I mean, I’ve seen far worse – Abbot Hayes in Children of the Living Dead, for example. Thinking about that, all was forgiven for Carne.
Along comes an older man ranting about how the kid doesn’t understand cinema because all he’s seen is his face on YouTube. The bloke is or was apparently a legendary actor, though that is highly questionable due to the subtitle translation going all over the place sometimes. Then the fun begins, I mean pure SOV fun. He grabs a pair of scissors, the quick edit has him wearing a bloody white plastic mask and the sharp ends have already plunged into what is wonderfully and obviously rubber skin. I am now in trash heaven.
I feel it is this moment, the out of synch sound and music, the over-the-top prolonged visual concentration on the blood, this sequence flashed me back to simpler times where you’d open a huge puffa box tape that caught your eyes due to a marvellous cover, then you play the film and grind your teeth “Caught out again!” but the love and joy spews forth. Remember my review for the two Death Nurse movies? (see review here) Full stop!
Eighties synths and burps blast out as the scissors enter the kid’s mouth and he understandably looks like he’s just shit in his y-fronts. Our upset Thespian drives his arm deep throating through the lad’s body, opening the rear without much blood, no bones, but a few innards plopping out in a pile. The soundtrack becomes demented, the camera lingers, I almost have an erection courtesy of the love I’m witnessing. Carne is fantastic – I’m only 6 minutes in!! Will it last? I mean, I’ve been trapped into thinking this way before…
The slaughter is over, now we must head over to some story and plot. Boooo!!! I would’ve happily stayed to see more. Anyhow, the actor is sat scrolling his mobile, it’s all Italian so I have no idea what he’s reading, it certainly isn’t IMDb or YouTube. He makes an appointment at an art gallery, and we have a nice panning shot of the twisted works on show.
Hey, it’s Domiziano Cristopharo regular, Chiara Pavoni running the gallery. Anyhow our main man, Frank has a proposition for a display of horrors similar to the Wunderkammer Cabinet of Curiosities. She is interested but asks him a lot of questions which leaves him floundering like a dying fish out of water. “I invest in something that brings me an economic return, not a child’s dream.” she purrs after the discussion. “There are a lot of passionate people,” he retorts, “Don’t bullshit me!” It all concludes with an argument, and he walks out.
His next port of call is met with success as a young lady agrees to him using her club for the exhibition. Late that night, Frank is followed. He confronts the man who knows his name. We see this from the shot of the camera the unknown person is filming from. Frank demands to know who he is and why he is filming. The man laughs and soon reveals he has been following for two months. “I know all about you, I know of the people you killed.” It so happens that this man has recorded everything for a documentary he is creating about a serial killer. We’re in Man Bites Dog territory right here, which isn’t a bad thing.
The first one to go is Chiara, who gets the full stabbing treatment as our SOV style returns. In-between kills things are slowed and more average shall we say? The conversations and characters are dull unfortunately, my excitement fades.
“Shoot everything! Everything!!” The murders carry on and are varied, constantly filmed by our unseen extreme director who sometimes asks questions whilst Frank is busy. The deeper they go together, the more we learn that Frank has a mission and a reason. We are given a glimpse into his mind and his reasoning.
Thankfully by the halfway mark, concentration on the duo allows more bonding and firming of the characters thus presenting a far more interesting film sandwiched by gore.
Carne isn’t very original as the story goes, and I personally found it a bit annoying that all that was salvaging it for the most time was the low budget effects plus the music whilst Frank slays, so much fun. I kind of feel I cheated myself because those first few minutes seriously had me believing I had stumbled on something so beyond the normal horror realm just by gifting me a prezzie I thought lost forever. However, as a whole film, it wasn’t to be.
That’s not to say this isn’t a good movie. Frank grows on you as the scenes reel out, and the grand finale fifteen or so minutes as he reveals his exhibition pieces to the all-out smash mouth concluding acts are well worth the wait. Frank, similar to the 2009 UK serial killer flick, Tony, is the ultimate everyday man. He doesn’t look dangerous, he’s just a guy who sits outside a café or walks around the town centre on cold afternoons. A severed thumb in the air for Francesco Lagonigro as Frank. He delivers the goods, keeping his aura creepy and compelling for the most part. It’s the writing that fails everybody sometimes. Chiara stands out in her small support role, as always, by the way.
Carne is a nasty little bugger when it counts the most, as you lose faith it can jolt you enough, and I do recognize the work and care that has gone into it, so I recommend a viewing.
Rob Ceus and his Terrorvisions Productions are putting it out, so here’s a link to chat to him via Facebook. He has loads of great and crimson titles available (I also think he’s one of the hardest working blokes I’ve ever known).
Also here’s a trailer to Carne:
Directed by: Fabrizio Spurio
Written by: Fabrizio Spurio
Produced by: Rob Ceus, Chiara Pavoni
Editing by: Fabrizio Spurio
Music by: Barafoetida
Special Effects by: Fabrizio Spurio
Cast: Francesco Lagonigro, Andrea Pacilli, Chiara Pavoni, Michela Russo, Samuele Lagonigro
Year: 2022
Country: Italy
Language: Italian (English Subtitles)
Colour: Colour
Runtime: 1h 10min
Distribution: Terrorvision Productions
