Dracula Sucks DVD Review from Vinegar Syndrome!
The ‘70s was awash like a crimson bukkake with endless horror pornos. Short and cheaply made, they sprung up baring their teeth. Usually just a low cred wraparound story to go with forever lasting hairy copulation scenes where your porn viewing was like a lottery ticket – would you win something erotic with nice looking players? Or would you get some sweaty sock wearing freaks distracting you by making more faces than Lon Chaney’s make up?
You could go from a movie which ripped off The Exorcist soundtrack and had women with candles tempting men (can’t remember the title of that one), or maybe The Devil’s Cult which has loads of skin and then a sacrificial ritual alter which exists simply for sex. Go out on a winner and have mention of the big man himself in the title – Devil’s Due (with nice hots of NYC from the ‘70s), The Devil Inside Her, and more – hey, I could fill a whole website with the amount of titles and oddities circulating in the ‘70s.
Perhaps you may go all out brutally graphic like Forced Entry (see review of Forced Entry here) or more chuck it together like Hot Vampire (see review of Hot Vampire here) and if you head into the ‘80s, things just get downright weird when all the parodies arrived, notably Driller (see review of Driller here) but I digress because here in the moist dark lair of Severed Cinema, we try and balance the horror and the nudity together and hopefully discover the chilling and the thrilling, or the totally laugh a moment silliness of that bygone era of dirty old cinemas and an audience who demanded more fluids than just blood in their flicks.
As we have a look at Dracula Sucks, distributed by Vinegar Syndrome, we see this is one of those that have had a bit more care and attention put into the script. There’s some decent ideas and costumes around the place plus most importantly there’s a cast to die for. It’s one of those flicks where the titans of the industry, Jamie Gillis (who also took over third unit direction) and John Holmes, signed up. In fact, let’s throw down Reggie Nalder of Salem’s Lot (yes, Mr. Barlow himself!!!) and Zoltan Hound of Dracula, plus the lesser known but equally workaholic (against his other two porn stars) gent (over 300 credits) John Leslie.
To spread some juicy cream over the cake, the girls are long time veterans and can act. Annette Haven and Serina to name our two main cast members. The main concept in Dracula Sucks it seems is to create a kind of loose basis to Dracula and include as much sucks and licks and pumps as possible without losing sight of the fact that this is a serious film. That’s right, this is played seriously and is far more fantastic for it – though I may have missed the point, for in Ron Jeremy’s autobiography he stated that he viewed it as a great comedy.
Richard Renfield arrives at a sanatorium due to constant nightmares, led by his aunty. The place is run by Arthur Seward (John Leslie) who mourns the death of his wife by sexing it up with his nurses. Arthur is currently awaiting the arrival of Van Helsing and gladly takes Renfield in. That night, Renfield dreams of the memories when his father headed to Transylvania to make a deal on an old castle. A voice drives him to a coffin laying deep in a crypt, wherein he pulls a stake from the corpse. Of course, Dracula rises, all bearded and Jamie Gillis. Jamie is totally digging his role, pausing between lines to savour his part, and even says the infamous “Children of the night…” line. He explains how Renfield’s father served him, and that he will do so now.
Finding his way back to the sanatorium doors, his totally overacted freak-out happens just as Van Helsing turns up, played by scar faced, Reggie. I quite like Reggie Nalder, a unique look, and he works hard in his roles. One of my guilty pleasures happens to be the above mentioned, Zoltan Hound of Dracula, it’s just so much fun.
What comes next is a bit of character development, then a musical number as driver, Jarvis sings at the piano, “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” which accompanies a wide-eyed bloke called Dr. Bradley having his dick sucked outside. Whoa, now that is wild and quite disturbing. Dracula along with his brides awaken in their crypt below the sanatorium, and I must say this, whoever the dark haired bride — or hand maiden as they are listed with no pictures — is totally eccentric and crazy as she grooms rats in her hands whilst gnashing her teeth.
“Lucy is the slut, Harker is the homo, and Mina is the virgin.” we hear Renfield in a voice over as Dracula approaches the doors, “Like me!” okay he didn’t need to add that bit I guess, we can only figure it amused Dracula to hear that. He is invited inside and introduced to everyone. He imagines kissing Mina, and Renfield’s mother realizes how he looks like her ex-husband. Dracula has taken ownership of a nearby Abbey. In a really fucked up moment, Dracula imagines himself in vivid red and black colours, first biting Lucy’s breast and then flopping his cock out to piss all over her… erm, I am serious here.
That night they waste no time. Dracula chews on Lucy whilst she’s sat on the toilet within a nice ‘70s bathroom – okay there’s a couple of inconsistencies with the year this is supposed to be, and his two ladies munch bloodily on the maid.
As Van Helsing is shown the patients, it is noticed they each have two holes in their necks. Of course, the movie must try and be comical by having a singing cowboy and a Hitler lookalike. Ho-ho-flipping-ho. “This is a real madhouse.” slurs Van Helsing, “Harker, break out the cocaine.”
“I have a theory.” states Van Helsing after examining Lucy, “We are dealing with the undead… Nosferatu.” He confronts Renfield who becomes anxious when shown wolf’s bane herbs, threatening Mina and called Van Helsing a “Nazi fuck!!” He’s then dragged away by the very modern sunglasses wearing, Henry, played by another porn actor and directing legend, William Margold.
Then John Holmes drops by, as Dr. Stoker, to seduce and plunge his beastly member into the maid, Seka, whilst we hear Bela Lugosi speaking on the radio in a play which sounds magnificent. In a showstopping WTF climax, she sprouts fake fangs and gorily chews his monster phallus as her teeth begin to pop out. In fact, John really over-plays his small part with vigour as we see afterwards when he attacks a nurse, snarling like a feral animal.
The be all and end all is that Count Dracula wants Mina. As his undead plague spreads throughout the sanatorium, she is his conquest. Scattered amongst this occurs a few more hardcore fucking scenes before Van Helsing and Dracula confront one another. This is not before most of the support cast are totally wiped out as director, Phillip Marshak ups the ante in the action, and we have death after death in what feels like a few minutes.
Dracula Sucks is an unusual film because there’s not enough sex to keep the raincoats happy, and when the nude grinding happens it’s tame, fast, or so insane it’d shrivel even the most diehard bishop beater. As a horror or any such imitation, it doesn’t work. Aside from some lush and wonderful sets, and a few acting talents around, again it cannot decide if it wants to be serious or as insane as the porn. It sort of discovers itself in the last half an hour and goes with the flow, becoming a great low budget gothic almost arthouse flick with porn becoming second rate apart from the grand taking of Mina.
I was really reminded of the classic, Ganja and Hess. The filming style and use of light kind of is similar. Unfortunately, the conclusion truly sucks (pardon the pun) and I cannot fathom why the hell it could not have been done better since the build-up is frantic. It’s like getting blind drunk, waking up in a strangers bed feeling sore, knowing you’ve been at it all night with someone, becoming giddy with excitement, then in walks an old woman with the face of Boris Karloff holding a plate of bacon butties. “Ere you are, love, get yer strength up ’cause you’re gonna need it for round two!”
Reggie Nalder, Jamie Gillis, and Annette Haven are all simply outstanding. They take this seriously, almost classical in tone. John Holmes comes and goes (ho-ho-ho) looking like he doesn’t want to be there one little bit. Richard Bulik as Renfield is like a kid showing off, whilst David Lee Bynum who plays Jarvis exists for comedy relief, mugging and pulling faces in homage to black actors in the golden horror era of yesteryear (Willie Best, etcetera).
Vinegar Syndrome have released Dracula Sucks with an extra on disc 2 which is worth its weight in blood, as William Margold (aside from playing Henry, he also co-wrote the screenplay) and the director’s son team up to discuss the film and head out to the locations once again. The facts and incidents they reveal are awesome, but for shame, they cannot get on the grounds, all locked up.
There’s the watered-down cut to bits ex-rental version called, Lust at First Bite, and a commentary to the main feature. I am chuffed by the presentation of Dracula Sucks, though, polished and cleaned but leaving all the grey darks and grainy look we like.
AKA: Lust at First Bite, The Coming of Dracula’s Bride, Dracula X, Kaftes erotikes nyhtes tou Drakoula, American Dragula, Dracula chupa, This Vampire Sucks, Dracula’s Bride, la novia de Dracula
Directed by: Phillip Marshak | Written by: Darryl Marshak, David Kern, William Margold, Bram Stoker | Produced by: David E Emerich, David Kern, Scott Brody, Darryl Marshak | Cinematography by: Hanania Baer | Editing by: Nettie Pena | Music by: Lionel Thomas | Special Effects by: Rhavan Briggs, Phillip Ellis | Cast: Jamie Gillis, Reggie Nalder, Annette Haven, John Leslie, Serena, John Holmes, Paul Thomas, Kay Parker, Seka, Richard Bulik, David Lee Bynum, Irene Best, Renee Andre, Slavica, William Margold | Year: 1978 | Country: USA | Language: English | Colour: Colour | Runtime: 1h 35 min
Studio: American International Pictures, Melvin Simon Productions
Distributor: Vinegar Syndrome
DVD SPECS:
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Region: NTSC R1
Audio: Dolby Digital Mono
SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL:
– Commentary by William Margold
– Trailer
– Alternative Soft-Core Version of Dracula Sucks
– Return to shooting locations
– Artwork
