Driller Review from Devil's Den!

I remember as a kid, the first Betamax video tape I ever purchased was Michael Jackson’s Thriller. It cost me £20 — that was a lot of money for those days. I could even perform all of the dance routines (probably not the best at it, since I was an out of shape tubby lad) but Mikey was the man! Up until now, the only spoof I had ever seen was by UK comedian and TV legend, Lenny Henry (have a look at this) but only recently did I discover a porn spoof existed. Okay, I suppose as a kid I wouldn’t need to know, but at least now in my mid-40s I can look upon what is perhaps the most bizarre pornographic movie I’ve seen since I stumbled upon Edward Penishands back in the late ‘90s.

What we have is a performer called Hot Star (played by Mr J… hehehe), and we meet his fan base, a girl in the audience with her breasts out, that kind of thing. All really standard bad acting. “Oh wow, oh yeah. Way to go!” drones some bloke upon seeing said breasts. Driller isn’t a scene-by-scene remake of Thriller — it’s a cheesy tacky story inspired by events in MJ’s version.

In fact, going by his live show, Hot Star appears and gestates more like Prince! Anyway, amongst the throng of sparklers waving hyper glance into the camera audience members, sits Dan and Louise. He doesn’t like Hot Star. She does but is obviously bored by Dan. “You gotta understand, guys just need it.” laments Dan as she looks fed up by his suggestion of sex after the show. “It’ll just be a little quickie. Please try and understand!” She rolls her eyes. “A quickie? Believe me, Dan, I understand.”

“Wait ‘til you see this big hard cock I’ve got for you.” says smooth talking, Dan as they chill on her sofa drinking tea. “Where would you like it? In your tits? In your pussy? Or in your… ass?” The actor plays his awkward Poindexter character to perfection. What follows is a very comical and stiff scene as Dan struggles to get Louise’s interest. “Hurry up, Dan,” as he fingers her and finds she’s dry, “My parents might hear!” He shuffles around. “C’mon, let me put my dick in your mouth.” and she rolls her eyes. You get the idea. It culminates in Louise enduring what she sees is very boring sex. “My dicky loves your hot pussy!” Dan pants then puts his penis into her mouth. She over exaggerates her slurping and it’s so much fun.

After he leaves, she settles into bed and we hear a deliciously over-the-top gothic horror movie on her TV. It’s all mad professors, wolves, castles, Uncle Igor, and such. In an inventive but cheap as chips nightmare sequence, meowing laughing zombie ghouls burst through her cardboard bedroom wall. They wave their arms around in the air, staggering like drug addicts and do their thing. Then, yes!!! A cheap drum beat begins and the girl ghouls line up to do a dance number. I am so in trash heaven here! “It’s just a chiller, uh,” sings a woman in orgasm, “A Driller, uh, in the night…” Hahaha, and then Hot Star arrives in full Michael Jackson gear to sing and flap around. “The Driller man will set you free!” Holy shit, this guy and his ghoul girls have got an array of pretty decent moves you know. It can’t get any better than this can it? What else has Driller got for me?

Hot Star changes into a werewolf whilst fondling Louise’s leg. A cuddly looking werewolf that waves its huge cock with the sound of a drill and it spins like a drill. This is Tetsuo territory right here. “Here it comes, Louise, ooohhh eeerrr, it’s tight…” the werewolf growls like a cancerous smoker. Quite worryingly for the poor hairy chap is he seems to ejaculate dark blood or shit all over her.

Then Louise finds herself in an old creepy castle where a deformed cloaked man wearing a rubber mask talks filth in a Peter Lorre voice as he fondles buxom women and golden painted lesbians rub against double ended dildos. All the while a lady on an alter performs fellatio whilst being buggered. Hey, Jess Franco’s pics were never this good. Oh yeah, two zombies get it on.

It’s a sex comedy, not to be taken seriously, the over-the-top characters and the badly animated outdoors shots make you aware, as does the earlier mentioned horror movie on Louise’s TV set all in the first fifteen minutes. Then there’s the Driller’s penis, plus the Halloween masks. None of this is erotic in any shape or form — it’s all just so ridiculous and pure entertainment. I can’t really put a finger on exactly what the creators were trying to achieve and to which crowd they wished to aim. Well, it works on a sequin gloved trashy level. Even my man, George (The Taming of Rebecca) Payne makes an appearance.

Taija (Long Hard Nights, Sexually Altered States, Swedish Erotica 70) Rae is well cast as Louise. Her voice and persona able to jump from geek super fan to lusty but terrified maiden isn’t Oscar worthy but cool. Timothy Beckley who ably plays Dan has starred in some of the greatest porn titles such as Supergirls do the Navy, Hypersexuals, Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre, and more. Whether they’re as good as their names, I can’t be bothered finding out. Most of the rest of the cast worked under crazy pseudonyms.

The makeup effects are basic but have a Sugar Hill look, downright eerie at times as far as zombies go. Oh, and the dubbed over voices, especially in the lengthy hardcore porn scenes have to be heard to be believed. The scenario gets a bit too stupid upon arrival of some prat in a Richard Nixon mask slowly masturbating whilst watching an orgy but the near to end smoke plummeted dance off with screams and howls is close to an image of Hell you might wish to see.

Devil’s Den has a DVD out with a producer’s interview and an image gallery, but Driller is around and about the web to download from various sources. Maybe not great quality, but the grainy worn out appearance adds to the appeal.

Well, that was something that I don’t come across every day I guess.