Moo-ving Through Madness: The Absurd Glory of ‘Mad Cow Massacre’!
I love weird and freaky films, the true oddballs. You see, it’s those little strange bits of gold that make the underground go ‘round. Thank you, Peter Hantz the Third, for delivering Mad Cow Massacre.
For this one, I’m not actually doing a review. I’m doing a remoo! Erm, that sounded better in my head than written here. Never mind. What do you make of a film where a maniac is dressed as a cow going around killing people? It’s one of those sweet little films that when somebody gets stabbed, you clearly see the wound all set up before the fake blade goes in.
We begin with a very lengthy scene of a guy making parts of what is to be his killer cow cosplay suit. Then it’s meet the characters for a while. One such character is Farmer Romero, who’s farm will be host to the first couple of upcoming slaughters. Peter himself stars as Detective Carpenter, then there’s Hank, the big local town bully within this farming community.
Anyhow, we don’t have to wait long after this for the first murders to happen. Two drunk dudes see a cow and decide to go cow tipping. The said cow freaks them out when it stands upright and heads over. They’re too intoxicated to react well so are both stabbed to death.
The next morning, a rather calm Romero discovers both corpses in his field so calls the cops. Carpenter arrives by himself, and they speak in monotone for ages before he calls it in. Meanwhile, the cow bloke is stalking a couple and the lady, when she’s tied up, has the quote of the year: “Leave me alone! Freak in a cow suit!” All whilst he’s trying to feed her and mutter through the thick material.
Romero gets it next. Hey, I was wrong about him being a main character. Then Kristy (Desert Fiends) Adams pops up for a quick victim role. This is all good fun, bloody scene after bloody scene and the cow suit isn’t funny. It’s kind of bewildering and somewhat unsettling in a way.
That’s really all I can say about the plot. Loads of people die, and Carpenter plus his team look around the area whilst finding the mounting body count.
I don’t know what the reasoning is, but there’s a lot of blurring of the camera, sometimes as the killings happen and it gets annoying (especially as I’m attempting to grab a load of juicy screenshots!)
As far as low budget quirky slashers go, Mad Cow Massacre is entertaining. The story and characters play everything seriously which is an excellent bonus. It could have been so easy to slip into comedy or make the Mad Cow Killer a goofball. It all takes a rather unexpected, quite silly, twist and turn towards the end, but it increases the general air of ridiculous hokum to proceedings.
Peter Hantz has a CV with a couple of interesting sounding titles: A Blood Moon Rising, and Skate to Hell. Yeah, I might check ‘em out and report back. Top marks go to Edward Hamilton (who also pulled double duty acting roles and many of the film creating processes along with Kyle T. Yeager) for the pumping soundtrack throughout. A lot of love has gone into this one, so hopefully…
Mad Cow Massacre reminded me of the Camp Blood and Killjoy movies — bargain bucket or free to stream oddities. I must mention that the gore and effects are joke shop level, brilliantly trash, as is the acting but folks are having a great time. Please don’t be a snob and watch it expecting the next level of Jason or Art the Clown in a cow suit. This is exactly what it should be — bloody stupid shake-your-head whilst smiling madness.
This just needs someone to proofread your beginning and end credits though.
Directed by: Peter Hantz III
Written by: Peter Hantz III, Kyle T. Yeager
Produced by: Peter Hantz III, Edward Hamilton, Kyle T. Yeager
Cinematography by: Peter Hantz III, Edward Hamilton, Kyle T. Yeager
Music by: Edward Hamilton, Dustin Leibert
Edited by: Peter Hantz III
Special Effects by: Edward Hamilton, Kyle T. Yeager
Cast: Edward Hamilton, Peter Hantz III, Kyle T Yeager, Tiffany Themas, Samantha Hupp, Amy Sass, Ashton Hantz, Korey Thomas, Kristy Adams
Year: 2024
Country: USA
Language: English
Colour: Colour
Runtime: 1h 20min
