Retro Ruminations: Exploring the Post-Apocalyptic Madness of ‘Cyborg’ - A Tribute to Trash Cinema!

Ohhhh yes, I reckon a majority of the Severed Heads who read these pages have fond memories of the video stores of old. A time of “anything goes” when mom and pop stores and dusty independents ruled the land. All before the big chains really swamped the place. Hey, I’ll plug a quick link here ’cause I wrote an article years ago all about my adventures in rental world (see Rewinding the Video Tape: Memories of the Video Store article here) but for this review of Cyborg we’re leaving the puffa box and awesome art era, and moving forward to the early ‘90s. Action movies still ruled the roost. Quick fix beer flicks with your pals. Arnie, Sly, Segal, Dolph — they were so dominant late ‘80s and into the nineties it’s hard to remember a video shelf without their faces looming back atcha.

Like big Dolph, Jean-Claude Van Damme did a few different kinds of action movies on the cheap. Who remembers Dolph’s Dark Angel? Master of the Universe? The original Punisher? Dolph, for the record, is my fave besides Arnie due to the diverse material available. He wasn’t just a one trick pony when it came to his choice of film subjects. Van Damme is a skilled fighter, no doubt about it, but my burning issue has always been his expressionless face and his voice. The man mumbles.

Cyborg was a Cannon production. With Cannon you always damn well knew you were gonna get some crazy unpredictable shit, and this was absolutely no different. “First there was the collapse of civilisation – anarchy, genocide, starvation! Then we got the plague, a living death… ” comes the narrated introduction as proper ‘80s creepy music backdrops. This whole lengthy speech was sampled by NYC underground rapper, Mr. Hyde, by the way, to great effectiveness on one of his albums. Oh yeah, Method Man of the Wu-Tang did the same, and Mortician took some of it for a bit of death metal. The voice explains how there’s rumours that the last of the scientists are working on a cure to restore the world. “…but why? I like the dead… I like the misery… I like this world!!!” he bellows. Post apocalypse stuff is one of my top pleasures (along with old school zombies). I can’t get enough. The Mad Max trilogy (did they do a fourth? My memory is blocked), Rats: Nights of Terror, 2019: After the Fall of New York, Bronx Warriors (not really one but has the feel like Escape from New York, also not post apocalypse), and so on.

The intro to Cyborg is a classic thirty seconds of trash cinema. I don’t care, no one will change my mind. We then switch to a man and a woman on the run in the ruins of NY, being chased by a ragtag bunch of posing muscular pirates lead by a truly bad ass looking villain, Fender (the guy who gave us the narration). Adorned the chain mail and sunglasses, he takes the shades off to simply reveal adrenalin inspiring contact lenses. The lady, Pearl, is a cyborg, carrying information critical to the scientists, her only hope is to find a Slinger willing to guide her to Atlanta.

If you haven’t seen this yet, it’s hard to explain the perfect build up going on here. The music is dramatic, cinematic, plus so many more ‘matics. The first glimpse of a handful of pirates they’re striding along in slow motion for fucks sake! They ooze testosterone. “I want to own the cure,” says Fender. “I’d be a God!” Pearl is attacked by some scavengers after escaping, saved by Gibson, who’s a Slinger, and also Van Damme. “Thanks.” she says, and he walks off after killing the two expendable extras.

“Wait!” she grabs his arm with her metal hands and reads into him. “Why did you save me?” she asks. “Muuuu uuuu muuuuhhh,” Gibson replies. “Erm, sorry, what did you just say?” Pearl strained to comprehend his words. “Muuuu uuuu muuuuhhh.” he repeats. Pearl backs off and quits the whole movie realising she’s going to have to share screen time with someone who barely speaks above a certain level.

Okay, I made the last bits up unfortunately. “I thought you were someone else.” Gibson mumbles. Pearl sees she can trust him. She explains her mission, then states she’s a cyborg, taking off her scalp revealing some stop motion animation. Gibson’s face doesn’t change like he sees this type of shit everyday. Maybe he does, but a slight surprised look wouldn’t have hurt. Anyway, he’s shot, and Fender captures Pearl. He’s going to take her to the scientists, he wants the cure for himself, or he’ll give them “…a horrorshow!” Hijacking a boat, Fender tells his crew, “We got a skin job to take to Atlantaaaaa!!” When I grow up, I want to be Fender, he is honestly holding this movie up on his bad ass shoulders.

Gibson recovers and finds what remains of the boat folk plus the port, dead bodies, and fire. He’s nearly shot at by a lone survivor, but he knocks her out. Sitting by a fire, he stares at the woman. Deep in thought, flashbacks begin that appear throughout the flick, when Fender killed everyone that Gibson cared for – or so he thinks… ahaaaa.

Nady heard the pirates talking about taking Pearl to Atlanta, so it seems that Gibson has an ally, though his central aim is to kill Fender for revenge. To get to their destination, they must cross the wasteland, which is simply trees, roads, and an abandoned building, populated by martial arts scavengers. When they finally reach the pirates, there are fights all round (I thought there was going to be a Raiders of the Lost Ark knife vs gun moment at one point). As is the case with these kinds of movies, the hero is captured, tortured, then breaks free, all leading to an epic showdown with Fender who can fight as well as look tough (even though his snarls are a continuous loop).

The locations, camera angles, and majesty of Cyborg is bigger than the actual film itself. The score intensifies everything apart from Van Damme. Director, Albert (The Sword and the Sorcerer, Kickboxer 2 and 4) Pyun (who passed in 2022) deserves so much credit for this film (he directed the original Captain America made in 1990, by the way, hehehe). Vincent Klyn as Fender, dominates everyone around him by the total power of his performance. Yeah, his voice sounds dubbed but so what? This guy’s career is housed within the bargain bucket sci fi, fantasy and action section, talk about type casting.

Cyborg was on the cusp of a new takeover in Cannon, as Egyptian born Italian, Ovidio G. Assonitis grabbed the company and thrust it into the ‘90s. A lot of the camp fun was gone. Not to say that every release in that decade didn’t feel like an ‘80s Cannon, but a majority felt stiff and forced. The costumes and such were supposed to be used for a couple of abandoned massive projects Cannon had planned (including Masters of the Universe 2) plus for a bit of trivia, many of the character names were so called after guitars, if you hadn’t figured it out yet.

Van Damme, meanwhile, shot to cult stardom straight after this with an avalanche of action nerd wank bank fodder like A.W.O.L., Death Warrant, Hard Target, and the incredible, Universal Soldier. He recovered after being sued by one of the pirate actors who lost an eye due to Van Damme being careless with a fake blade during a fight scene.

Cyborg is essential viewing, for better or worse for all trash addicts. There’s really nothing like it, not even the two sequels (part 2 has its merits and a young, Angelina Jolie), so it comes extremely highly recommended, for the spectacle and a few laughs.

My review of Cyborg is off the MGM DVD, which is basic. It has excellent quality sound (apart from Jean) plus the picture is fine. There is merely just a trailer as extras, meh!

Oh yeah, I thought I’d mention that Cyborg heavily influenced the short segment I wrote and directed for White Gardenia’s upcoming anthology, King James Bible (see Jay Creepy’s ‘Jacob’s Ladder’ Segment in ‘White Gardenia: The King James Bible’ Promises a Post-Apocalyptic Nightmare article here).

AKA: Masters of the Universe 2, Masters of the Universe 2: Cyborg, Heat Seekers, Slinger

Directed by: Albert Pyun
Written by: Albert Pyun
Produced by: Yoram Globus, Menahem Golan
Cinematography by: Philip Alan Waters
Edited by: Scott Stevenson
Music by: Kevin Bassinson
Special Effects by: William Dawson, Tim Jones, Christopher Warren, Terry Blythe, Mitch Devane, Greg Cannom
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vincent Klyn, Deborah Richter, Dayle Haddon, Chuck Allen, Blaise Loong, Robert Pentz, Jackson ‘Rock’ Pinckney, Terrie Batson
Year: 1989
Country: USA
Language: English
Colour: Colour
Runtime: 1h 22min

Studio: Cannon Entertainment, Golan-Globus Productions
Distributor: The Cannon Group, MGM