Rotten Mask Fucker on the Prairie: Revisiting the Disturbing Darkness of Little House on the Prairie – Sylvia Parts 1 & 2
Little House on the Prairie. How to describe it to those who are too young to remember such innocent, trusting times? It was an American family television show that aired from 1974 to 1983. It was perceived as an optimistic, upbeat, wholesome show, emblematic of good, Christian morals and society in the microcosm of a small village. The show’s opening theme song and imagery was full of innocence and positivity. Three little girls in flower dresses come bounding over a flower and tall grass laden hill towards their loving parents who are returning to the farm in their covered wagon, pulled by horses. The show depicts America of the late 1800’s. American smalltown innocence was personified in the good family “the Ingalls.”
Why, in the hell am I reviewing this for Severed Cinema, you may ask? A totally valid question. I assure you it is not to subvert this fine publication. It is in fact due to being personally disturbed by this episode as an unsuspecting child one lazy summer afternoon on my 10-inch color TV around, say 1993, having nothing else to do with my oceans of time back then.
If nothing else, AI is very good at finding old movies and episodes half remembered. This was one that stuck with me through the years as seeming Rated R by contrast to this show’s usual pleasant Pollyanna subject matter (Please Note: Pollyanna is also much more tragic than I remember it, for the record).
This episode in question (from season 7 episode 17) was titled ‘Sylvia.’ It was written and directed by Michael Landon. Yes, the same Michael Landon from Bonanza and later Highway to Heaven (don’t tear up just yet!). As a creator he has a knack for bringing real pain to the surface more deftly than any artist I’ve seen to date, including such emotional evocators as Steven Spielberg, or…, well, he’s the only artist I can remember that actually attempts to evoke tears in the last 40 years (which is noteworthy in itself). Here he confronts what After School Specials used to call “a very special episode” meaning some horrible shit was about to go down, for reals! Only no warning came with this episode. Just blunt force trauma outta nowhere. (Just the way I like it!)
Sylvia Part 1:
Five naughty boys check out an old-fashioned catalog to see “women’s under things.“
“Those aren’t pictures. They’re drawn.”
“Yeah, but there’s pages of it!” One says.
“Let’s go over to Sylvia’s house and peek.” Direct little perverts aren’t they?
A little nervous boy amongst the group is stopped by his father. “We uh have an assignment.”
“What kind of an assignment?” the father asks.
“A nature assignment.” Good one.
“I hope you see something interesting.” says his father.
“Me too.” replies the giddy son.
Let me check this again? This is the innocent little show with the happy old timey family on the prairie. Check. Little House on the Peeping Tom Prairie.
The five little boys sneak around like Droogs in the daytime. Hoping to get a preview of Sylvia’s birthday suit. Sylvia (Olivia Barash, Repo Man) is like 12 maybe.
Only the good little boy who was hesitant was caught by Sylvia’s father (Royal Dano, Killer Klowns from Outer Space) after dropping his schoolbooks like an absolute clod. “You were trying to get a look at my daughter, weren’t you?!“
“Yes, sir!” Rookie move!
Sylvia’s father is about to lay a whoppin’ on him good till some hennish, clucking, big bosomed woman riding horses tells him to let the boy go. He tells the woman he was peeking on his daughter. She says “Ohh, disgusting! That Ingalls boy! That whole family always pretending to be good all the time. Those are the ones you have to watch out for!” (Okay Michael Landon! Beware the Preacher’s family, eh?)
The father tells the Cluck, “Your Willy was with him.” She’s flabbergasted! She drives off in a huff. No doubt to whip her son raw.
Sylvia’s father asks Sylvia, a 12–13-year-old girl, why the boys are looking at her.
“Those boys have come here to leer at you. Have you been making eyes at them?.”
“No papa.“
“You’ve been flirting at school.”
“No. I swear it.”
“You’re a wanton thing. Lord knows I’ve tried. There’s a devil in you! Same as the one that killed your Ma!”
Damn! That’s some hardball gaslighting on a 12-year-old there, Pops!
“If I see those boys come back here, I’m going to give you the whipping of a lifetime. Do you understand?”
“Yessir.”
“You bind yourself up tighter. I don’t want them lookin’!” Sylvia proceeds to wrap her chest up like a mummy. Old school.
Willy is confronted by his screeching mother. She asks if Sylvia was teasing the boys.
“Yeah kind of.“
“Oh I knew it.” (Case closed. Her little boy is not the moral sewer! Whew! Close call.)
“Do I still get supper?“
“Yes. Of course you do, now.“
Yeah now that he lied about who was provoking who taking the moral burden off himself and his family for lacking decency.
At school Sylvia returns the Ingalls boy’s books he dropped at the Peep-Off.
There is a town meeting of responsible citizens at the school for things that are deemed “improper” and they’re going to discuss it with Sylvia. Gee. A real little witch hunt, eh?
“Why your house Sylvia? I’ll tell you. Because you tease them. You lead them on.“
“That’s not true.”
“That is true!” The lead mistress says.
Michael Landon speaks up, as Mr. Ingalls, as the voice of reason (if he does write-so himself). “You’re taking the word of one child over another.“
“Your own child was amongst the boys wasn’t he Mr. Ingalls (Michael Landon?)” the School Mistress adds.
“He was, and he told me the whole story. He wasn’t lured over there by anything but natural curiosity.“
Well that’s letting the boys off the hook a bit too much but okay. Not exactly Atticus Finch here, but alright.
“I don’t condone. I understand. We all remember going around the swimming hole for a little peek.” Says Landon. Whoa! Slow down there! Hold your horses!
“Nobody peeked at me when I was there.” says the Head Mistress.
“Ain’t that the truth.” says one snarky father in the meeting.
Boys will be boys the men conclude. Case adjourned. Overturned. Old school. The young female teacher steps in and adds “boys will be boys means any action should be taken against them.” Good update to that point! Modern retro logic but fair.
School is out. The bell rings. Looks like a church bell.
Scary music plays as a tiny lily flower is metaphorically, and in the close-up of the eyeball of a mysterious sex predator staring at the innocent Sylvia. Yep. Still watching Little House on the Prairie.
Sylvia innocently walks home. Acquitted of crimes of perversion. She picks some flowers. But in the dark thicket a branch breaks. Sylvia pays little mind. She walks towards it casually. A flock of birds fly out of a tree in front of her. She jumps back.
A man with a blue-eyed mask with white face and pink cheeks clad in black otherwise grabs her arm and puts his gloved hand over Sylvie’s face. Still Little House on the Prairie? Still.
Shadows of a struggle over Sylvia’s dropped flowers persists for several seconds insinuating a prolonged assault period.
It’s night. At home, Sylvia’s father, Mr. Webb, rocks in his rocking chair. Sylvia comes to the door covered in leaves with a dirty face. All damned afternoon and night! That’s dark!
“Help me. Help me, Papa.”
“What happened?”
“Cold. So cold. He grabbed me. He pulled me down and…”
Father backs away from her for having the rape cooties. He gets furious in the mirror at his own inability to protect his daughter.
“Who did it?!”
“I don’t know. He wore a party mask.” Party indeed.
“No one must know of this disgrace. Do you understand Sylvia?”
The next day the boys try to play fight with Sylvia to tease her but she’s in full fight mode. Punching and slapping the boys back. “Leave me alone! No!!!”
The young female teacher steps in and slaps Sylvia to “bring her to her senses.” Gee whiz.
In the doctor’s office. The doctor asks “Did the boys beat her?”
“No.” says the young female teacher.
“Well someone has beaten her badly.“
Rotten Mask Fucker on the Prairie.
Meanwhile Sylvia’s father marches in demanding to bring his daughter home.
“What did she tell you?”
“Nothing.”
Doctor questions the father. But he stonewalls, presumably to protect his daughter’s reputation.
At school the boys mock Sylvia by one of them pretending to hit the others like she did earlier. Ingalls boy doesn’t like them mocking her and punches one of them in the face. After all Sylvia has been through, she admires his defense of her honor, such as it is. He walks her home.
Later that night she has an innocent dinner with her father. Nothing eventful. Things are returning to graceful normalcy in her life. Mercifully.
She fishes with the Ingalls boy. They confess they like being around each other.
The gloved hand of the rapist grabs a tree, looking for seconds, watching the two children fish innocently together. Again, the evil eye watches.
The Ingalls boy named “Albert” (Matthew Labyorteaux, Deadly Friend) carves it into a tree… “Albert Loves Sylvia.” They kiss by the lake.
Sylvia returns to father. Father sets the trap: “Mrs. Wilder’s been keeping you later and later hasn’t she? That’s why I went to her. You’ve been lying to me all these weeks. Ain’t cha?”
Papa puts the kibosh on this nonsense. Gunna work a new piece of land instead. Hard labour will fix ya!
The Blacksmith (Richard Jaeckel, Mr. No Legs) explains to Albert Ingalls that fathers fear what might happen. Not always what did happen. Suspicious this Blacksmith interjecting his opinion outa nowhere. (Put a little black ‘x’ by his name here).
Back at the Ingalls house, all is perfect. But Albert’s heartbroken. No more kisses for him.
Michael Landon/Mr. Ingalls says that Sylvia’s father isn’t acting nice like he use to either. Angry. Sullen. He’s not happy anymore like he use to be.
The Preacher soon pays a visit to see what the matter is with Sylvia’s father. Hasn’t been around lately. Sylvia’s Father is pissed at the whole mess. “Missing your plate father… here!” He throws money at him. “That oughta pay me up till next month father!” He rides off.
Slyvia and Albert’s young female teacher says they’re going to have a ghost story contest. Masks are going to be made like every year. Sylvia isn’t thrilled and breaks down crying and faints unconscious at the thought of masks.
The Doctor investigates. Albert Ingalls wants to know what’s wrong with Sylvia. The doctor asks how long they’ve been seeing each other. Albert says, “a few months.“
“A few months? She is with child.” Albert YOU ARE the father! But wait. “Have you and she?”
“No! No. No! I never…” shits getting heavier on Albert now realizing there’s more to her love for him. He’s being played for a sucker.
The Doctor, however, believes Albert Ingalls. He then calls Mr. Webb. Who has been acting super innocent. I don’t suspect him. It’s sad he’s getting this horrid news of underaged pregnancy out of wedlock.
Albert talks to his Dad. He confides he loves Sylvia but he hates her for getting pregnant and fooling him in the meantime.
Landon writes for his character Mr. Ingalls. “It might have been against her will. Don’t be so quick to judge.” Landon always knows how to get a tear whatever scene he’s in. That’s his superpower as a creator. Here or especially in Highway to Heaven. Never seen a sequel to his ability to draw a tear. Especially in the current nihilistic, romanceless, and generally cynical, and heartless milieu we are in. “She’s going to need a friend. Especially now.“
Albert replies “I just can’t be her friend. I just can’t.“
Mr. Webb has a similarly candid conversation with Sylvia. “You should stay near home from now on. I don’t want you going into town anymore.” She is sullen. Sitting on her bed. Sad reality ahead. He’s going to see about selling the farm and moving away. To where it doesn’t matter. Some town where folks don’t know us. Pathetic times ahead.
“You blame me for this. Don’t you?” she asks to her father.
“You reap what you sew.” he replies.
Dude?! Like what did she reap? Innocent patty fingers and a forced rape against her will. Nonsense! Condemns his own daughter. Closes the door. Doom!
I’m just trying to remember the happy opening showtune. “Da-da-da-da. Da-da-da!” Happy Little House on the Prairie ending music. Jesus what a mind job in contrast to that Pollyanna positive ending credits music and image of a little girl happily running down a flowery, grassy hill.
Part 1 of Sylvia is over.
Sylvia Part 2:
It starts with a recap of part one naturally.
In Sylvia Part 2 (from season 7 episode 18) all the boys are laughing at Albert for getting “Trampy Sylvia” pregnant. He gets pissed and punches Willy in the face, yet again.
Albert approaches Sylvia from behind and puts his hand on her shoulder. She screams and runs away fearing it’s the masked man again. It’s just me Albert.
Sylvia confesses in tears that the masked man did it to her. It was against her will. He consoles her. They kiss.
Willy’s mom says she never told her son that Sylvia was a tramp. And tells Mrs. Ingalls, Albert’s mother, that she should be grateful she’s being nice to her as she will soon be Sylvia’s grandmother! Mrs. Ingalls pie faces this old gossipy bitch with a face full of pie dough. She says, “God himself would have done the same thing.” Lots of laughs.
Mr. Webb, Sylvia’s father, invites that shady Blacksmith to potentially buy the property at a deep shame discount. He’ll think about buying their property cheap. What a lucky neighbor, right?
Father sees mud on Sylvia’s boots. She’s busted. She lies to cover up seeing Albert. He threatens to kill whoever she was seeing.
Albert comes to visit her anyways and proposes marriage in secret. Just then her father calls to tell her he sold the farm. They have phones! Just no cars. Wild.
Albert needs a job to support the girl. He asks the Blacksmith for a job. This guy is a real go to all of a sudden. Sussss.
Sylvia’s father finds the hat of Albert and instantly grabs his shotgun. “I told you what I would do.“
“Believe me. Please believe me.”
“How can I believe a (‘hole’ sic) whore?!” Damn that’s cold. She stares unbelieving at what her father just called her. Condemning her reputation forever. What show am I watching again? I’ll be damned if it isn’t still “Little House on the Titty Fucking Prairie.”
Father loads the shotgun.
Meanwhile a storm is thundering over the Ingalls family as they eat dinner.
Albert is willing to lie to say he is the father of the rape baby and is willing to marry her. Little House on the Rape Baby Prairie.
“This is ridiculous!” says Mr. Ingalls. “I know you feel sorry for her, but you don’t marry someone because you feel sorry for them.“
“It’s a cruel, brutal thing. How do you think she feels about this baby? Have you asked her?”
“No.” (Gee not exactly looking two moves ahead their Albert.)
Just then bursts in Mr. Webb with his shotgun. Mr. Ingalls goes full protector mode and jumps in between his family and the gun and tackles Mr. Webb into the mud and rain and punches him repeatedly to settle him down. He tells his son “Tell him the truth!” Michael Landon lays a pounding on the father of old Trampy Sylvia, plum good, in the rain and muck.
“I never did anything! I swear to God” Albert confesses, meaning he never had sex with her.
Old Mr. Webb cries in Mr. Ingalls arms. What a bitch. No, I’m kidding. It’s actually very profound and human moment.
Next Day. Albert finds Sylvia in a stable for some reason. “You promised you’d be with me always.” I guess I blinked, and she ran away from home too.
Albert agrees as a boy of his word. He gives her a blanket. They exchange I love yous. He rides away. Albert lies. Telling Sylvia’s father and his own, that he didn’t find her in the stable.
Albert enters Mr. Hartwig’s house, i.e. the innocuous Blacksmith, to write a letter about why he’s stealing money from him. Cheat you honest! “You’re awful young to run away and get married son.” But he offers to give him an advance on his blacksmithing and two horses. Awfully generous…
Mr. Webb and Ingalls go back to the Ingalls’ home to find Albert. But he sneaks back into town to talk to Mr. Hartwig again… they find his note saying he’s left town with Sylvia.
Speak of the devil… there’s Sylvia alone in the hay awaiting her Albert. But instead in comes the masked rapist crackling over scrap wood to find her. This time she smacks him with a piece of wood. He chases her up a ladder and tries to nab her but Albert to the rescue. The mask falls off and it’s that SOB Blacksmith. He’s the rapist. She falls off the Ladder (presumably to abort the baby for story purposes). Little Aborted Rape Baby on the Prairie!
And father comes in and fills monsieur rapist with buckshot. “Da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da!” Role credits. Happy endings for everyone except the rapist pig. Happy little innocent girl runs down the field with flowers and tall grass. Happy music. Feeling fine.
Sylvia Uppers:
This story was sordid, messy, realistic, painful, sad, human. It was a true subliminal case of evil. The neighbour, the Blacksmith was fit, strong, helpful, opinionated, but never anything but kind on the surface. But he raped a blossoming young woman while wearing a very creepy mask, on daytime family television, then on the shame of them leaving town, put in an offer to buy the place from the disgraced family at a discounted price. This ‘Mask’ character was unexpected and disturbing, because it came out of nowhere, without warning. I think you’ll find online a small cabal of equally affected childhood viewers who place this up there on the ‘Large Marge’ hall of fame of fucked up ‘80s shows that shaped their childhood sense of stranger danger. But that is also what made it so effective and memorable. A+ effort for a show on such a sensitive topic but also inspiring true fear and distress on the viewer.
Michael Landon’s knack for real life drama and saccharin tear-jerking is unmatched in American television. He’s genuinely got a point of view and knows how to manipulate emotions like a wizard. He maestro’ed this show like an emotional puppet master.
Sylvia Downers:
I don’t have any real downers for this episode. Other than my wife thought I was crazy for watching these old episodes and reviewing them. But it was a walk down memory lane. I for some reason remembered this show being called “The Mask” and not “Sylvia.” Perhaps it was retitled for Canadian audiences when it came out? Or I just have a shitty memory. I also remembered it being her dad, and not the random Blacksmith. I don’t think I saw part 2 as a child. Just part 1 which left the mystery open ended. It was interesting to get the closure on this errant memory.
No real downers, other than the subject matter in general, if that kind of thing gets you down (or hits close to some repressed memories) don’t watch. Other than that, it’s a fascinating little slice of terror on the prairies.
Overall:
The sneak attack of this being on a good, wholesome hour of a Christian television show was the mindfuck factor to a degree. Subverting expectations is an understatement. The interesting thing was the overreaction and isolation of the victim was almost as bad as the act of rape itself. The Father abandons and isolates her further, emotionally. The boy she loves, feels betrayed. Her reputation is ruined. Just a nice little reminder of how it used to be treated versus today. But also, how times haven’t really changed all that much.
It’s worth a watch if you can find it. It’s always interesting rewatching horrible old memories again to see how terror is a perennial thing. It’s real, and it never disappears.
Directed by: Michael Landon
Written by: Blanche Hanalis, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Michael Landon
Produced by: Kent McCray
Cinematography by: Ted Voigtlander
Edited by: Jerry Taylor
Music by: Paul McLarind
Special Effects by: Allan Snyder
Cast: Michael Landon, Karen Grassle, Matthew Labyorteaux, Olivia Barash, Royal Dano, Richard Jaeckel
Year: 1981
Country: USA
Language: English
Colour: Colour
Runtime: Sylvia Part 1 (46min), Sylvia Part 2 (46 min)
Episode: Sylvia Part 1 (Season 7 episode 17), Sylvia Part 2 (Season 7 episode 17)
Studio: Ed Friendly Productions, NBC
Distribution: NBC
