Scarecrowd Review from SRS Cinema!
There’s something not quite right with George Nervada. He’s the kind of bloke who wanders around a duck pond in front of a neat large house. He also sits on a playground in the middle of the night watching the swings worryingly move back and forth with nobody on them… too high for the wind to be blamed.
George Nervada is also the man who has put together what is perhaps the sole vision of normality in his mind. Yes, Scarecrowd is a totally deranged and original piece of work that must be approached with caution and a taser. Think Don Dohler drinking Red Bulls and you get the idea.
We begin with a nubile lady running for a while through a field, fearfully peering over her shoulder from time to time. Aha, but it’s her lover who catches up with her and they hold each other. They do their adult snuggles beside a rather leery mouldy tea bag faced scarecrow. Before you can say, “I didn’t realise this had porn elements in, hang on let me undo my pants…!” her breasts are on display.
Golden rule in a film — this was missed from the Scream franchise altogether — if you’re near a scarecrow try not to form the beast with two backs because this dirty bugger is going to come to life beginning with a twitchy hand. He seems to have Predator-like heat sensing vision! For reasons so far unknown (and I hope explained later) there are a few random tools and weapons piled up so the scarecrow selects a meaty machete. Crunch! It’s human kebab on a blade!
After the fantastic retro credits, we have an alien narrator explaining about how on a sleepy planet life begins. A life form humans could learn a lot from as how to live. This all leads on to a meteorite, lazily heading towards Earth. “Look, a shooting star.” points out a very stiff and statue actor to his lady. “All your wishes will come true.” She wishes for a free acting coach to whisk him away. In fact she is very poetic in her reply — poetic and bile-inducing. I dig the idea behind the dialogue though, how I used to be an avid viewer of ‘50s B-movie Sci-Fi. Well, I hope I’m right and it’s a homage to terrible acting and spoken words, otherwise this film is going to be a long hard road into shit with me on the car bonnet.
He he he, there’s a Creepshow comic-like ‘Meanwhile’ across the top left of the screen. We watch Tony, dirty sugar puff teeth and scraggy body, who emerges from his shack scratching his balls upon hearing the meteorite crash. Why am I thinking of Gutterballs and Header? It’s that sort of visual humour I suppose. Anyway, he discovers the block of rock and it ejaculates blue gunk all over his face. Back in his shack Tony endures maximum low budget mutation. Blood, yellow gooey runny shit, that sort of expected stuff, oh yeah, and chuckling like a hillbilly head case. Phase two of his transformation isn’t so funny to him, he’s laid out gurgling. Finding his way to a scarecrow, Tony disguises his new form.
“You and your fucking meteorite!” verbals the girl who doesn’t sound so poetic now, unless Irvine Welsh has written a few sonnets. I’ll say one thing, this one doesn’t hold back on graphic bloody deaths. Machete across the mouth, and the face peeled back, etcetera, this is now Scarecrowd does it! Hack, hack and chop chop – there are a couple of messed up cadavers in the dark field now — additionally a few Italian inspired zoom-ins as well.
How’s about a girl in a shower? Death by toilet brush. Kissing man and woman in a comic pink car? Severed head and heart removal. The atrocity exhibition continues, some long and gleefully lingering. It transpires that near enough every human being wheeled on is just an animal in a slaughterhouse.
Throughout the film, strange animated plants are uncoiling around the area, and there are speckles in the air. Eerie little details make a nice picture. Oh yes! The plants grow around death, and the spores from the plants float into space on their way home, filled with human life force. Then we see a chick with a dick and our scarecrow who’s about to kill, walks away almost bewildered.
Did I mention the source of this madness is Mars? Well, yeah, it’s Mars and that’s where the spores are going and the seeds are spreading on earth. Once every six-hundred-years, our worlds are close and then, as the alien chap tells us, we’ll be impregnated with their pestilence. I’m not fooled by this plot. It’s a fragile excuse to simply fuck up a load of people with a machete, plus any handy gadgets lying around. It’s a mutant dressed as a scarecrow on a rampage flick — pure and simple! To be fair, there’s a bit of depth when Tony, the mutated scarecrow, begins a series of flashbacks as he sits sobbing whilst cockroaches swirl behind him.
The music (Goblin style), the credits, even the crackles on the screen all shriek an authentic imitation golden era slasher. As a matter of fact, the credits are almost lifted from the sleeve of a White Zombie album. None of your, trying too hard to be grindhouse clones, Scarecrowd has been constructed with care splitting filming between the USA and Italy, but sometimes falls into the sheer camp of ludicrousness. A major downside has to be the silly points (the end credits begin with ‘That’s all folks.’ Nope, not funny. Painfully long chase scenes, less funny.
At one point I thought we were going to see the victims return in some half-life existence because there is an unexplained moment when the lady with the toilet brush in her mouth moves her head to peer upwards. Never mind.
The story has glimmers of originality because I don’t think many people would want to conjure up the maelstrom of jagged brain knives as you will witness in Scarecrowd. As for the effects, well, they are absolutely dreamy to any healthy gorehound. Each vision of luxury crimson is wonderful. The murders are varied and inventive whilst even the purposely cheesy and corny science fiction insertions with stop motion round about, add to the entertainment. Scarecrowd is entertaining in a slack-jawed moonshine way. Plus facial liquidation hasn’t looked so much fun since Street Trash and Body Melt.
A small trivia extra — one of the talented composers of the atmospheric soundtrack happens to be owner of Italian horror website, Darkveins.com. Ooooh. However, I must say, the alien is a complete tosser and he chatters on way too much at the end. Sod off, we got the point ages ago!!
AKA: Scarecrowd: The Musk
Directed by: George Nevada | Written by: Jay Disney, George Nevada | Produced by: Domiziano Cristpharo, George Nevada | Cinematography by: George Nevada | Music by: Antony Coia | Special Effects by: Joe D’Anna, Luana Iacovissi | Cast: Fabrizio Occhipinti, Marcello Toruk Albanesi, Frances Williams, Antony Ferry, Ruby Miller, David Galoni, Francesca Dicaprio, George Nevada, Daniele Mule | Year: 2015 | Country: USA, Italy | Language: English | Color: Color | Runtime: 1h 14min
Studio: Melting Pictures
Distributor: Srs Cinema
