Green Hell Review from Troma Now!
Recently I wrote a news snippet on Jay Crimson’s upcoming new project, Lilith (see article here) and soon afterwards he sent me and my Partner in Gore, Willow, his earlier movie, Green Hell to check and review. See, we love trash, and we’re both extreme metalheads so I guess he figured, hey why not, kindred spirits and all that stuff.
Jay, aside from making films, spends his time as a vocalist for a few bands, a podcaster, an occultist, and a hippy apparently. He is a man of many faces. Anyhow, he made a damn fun flick, we can say that. It’s on Troma Now (along with a couple of his shorter offerings) and I wonder if Uncle Lloyd watches any of the material which lives under his umbrella. I hope so, I especially do with this one. It’s nearly fifty-minutes of total fuckery. It begins with a spinning green skull and a comatose gang of weed smoking, coke snorting, needle pushing, happy ass freaks laid about an apartment whilst wrestling is on the TV and loud as fuck music blasts out of the soundtrack, rugged punk vibe. One guy has a wrestling ref top on, he happens to be in the bath, being vomited upon.
The whole thing is in an old VHS well watched copied over and over style of filming. Jay himself has stated that it was made for fun, so should not be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form. The story officially begins with our two central characters, Jay (Jay Crimson) and Dave — the sicked upon ref top geeza, hanging out round some building for a while where apparently animal tests go on. A guy runs by and drops a bottle of blue liquid. Jay (wearing a fantastic hoodie with Richard Ramirez and Misfits on) and Dave dares one another to drink some of it. As they take turns sipping, we get quick flash of subliminal images of gore ‘n’ stuff. A heavy-duty doom metal guitar kicks in as they stagger along, not feeling too well. Willow and I absolutely vibed off the strong riffs, this is great!
They both witness people with green faces eating some passers-by who cries out in what sounds like boredom. “The fuck you guys doing??!!” our duo run off, still off their tits. As a quick interlude, let me quickly digress me and Willow’s discussion at this point. The whole scene is just an average late night on the close to central, Beverley Road, Anlaby Road, and Hessle Road areas in our city. Dazed folks staggering, usually fighting, and smackheads (addicts) with green faces eat other people. I suppose every city has that one place where this happens — with Hull, it’s actually a vast majority, usually the streets surrounding the centre.
Anyway, back to the review. We return to the apartment and they do some coke. One girl bleeds from her nose then gets vomited upon. Lucifer Valentine would likely be erect by now. Many more drug tutorials occur, like smoking from a bong, plus a light bulb. All the while bright images flash by and our guys get wrecked. To Hell with 2002’s Spun, and the Trainspotting flicks, this is the closest visual capturing of a monged-out almost whitey head fuck time ever! If anything, it’s like watching some of the Paul Morrisey and Andy Warhol movies for the sleazy feel.
Luke visits Miranda, a friend who reads cards. Whilst she does this, Jay visits a girl called Tasha who cooks up some H. Once again, we have the flashing shit again. Damn this movie is a mass mosaic of lights, vomit, loud music, and mad camera angles. I heard via no one that Green Hell was once planned to be tested on prisoners in Guantanamo Bay to be used A Clockwork Orange style endlessly until breaking point. Next, we get Shogun Assassin blood squirts as a gaggle of pasty green faced fuckers munch on a homeless bloke. Green Hell is officially a tangle of splintered crazy shit.
All is revealed about the mysterious liquid soon enough and how it hasn’t been properly tested out. Dave and Jay keep seeing each other green faced so they brawl violently then drink some more of the bottle. We loved the quick close-up cat face moment, random, and beautiful. Is it all thus substance induced illusions? A hazy trip? All is of course revealed. Either way, it causes brutal reactions, visions of maggots, figures, voices, and blood. These were all classy ingredients to make a low life scumbag trash drugs movie — and all that is said with the greatest of compliments.
There’s no real solid functioning story with Green Hell or narrative and we figured that had there been, the effect of disorientation and skull hammering would have been lost. It’s all just a great laugh. The cast are having the time of their lives. There’s a gory sex scene, and perhaps the funniest minutes involving a dumpster diving hobo. There’s also a brilliant chase and scrap scene with dirty ass ruff punk music attached. In fact, this movie is simply dirty ass ruff punk through and through!
As the final act rears up, three of our main infected protagonists are spaced out and wandering within a cemetery. The music playing, as Willow said, is a cross between Type O Negative and Deftones. It’s perfect and lends a dreamy and eerie sensation to this part. It all ends in bleak tragedy as Jay Crimson jettisons any element of humour, for as the circle of friends fall apart, we witness death and oncoming revenge for the grand finale.
The first half was rather wobbly, however once the proper psychotic drug induced paranoia, etcetera, kicked in, it all became like something Jim Van Bebber may have come up with back in the early ‘90s. The end sequences felt bigger in scale than the actual budget which is a good thing. The emotions are wonderfully on show and the acting is on point. Green Hell isn’t for everyone, or maybe it isn’t for anyone else, but Willow and I enjoyed ourselves.
The best advice I can give is switch off any perceptions and ideas you may have as to what Green Hell is about and how it will look. You won’t expect any of this at all. Take it for what it clearly is, a gang of absolute dickheads having a blast making a film. Along the way they really delved deep to bring us some entertainment and gore… lots of gore… plus drugs…. oh yes, lots of drugs. Jay Crimson is proudly so underground that Morlocks must dig for hours to look for him.
Directed by: Jay Crimson
Written by: Jay Crimson
Produced by: Vulgar Minds
Cinematography by: Jay Crimson, James Anderson
Editing by: Jay Crimson, Justin Thomas Squires
Music by: Kill Your Boss, Beast in the Field, No Class Assassins, Mountain Babies
Special Effects by: Jay Crimson, James Anderson
Cast: Joel Boucher, Jay Crimson, Kelly Caie, Nick Fortuna, David Vranish, Jason Shurkey, Tasha Lewis, Jessica Ward, Josh Griffin
Year: 2013
Country: USA
Language: English
Colour: Colour
Runtime: 47min
Distributor: Troma Now